We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
