my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
