you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
