I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
