She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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