Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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