Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
