I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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