four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
