I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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