His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
