Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
