I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
