it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
