i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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