You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
