Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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