Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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