I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
