So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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