if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
