so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
