i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
