I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
