just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
