In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize