Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
of course. lets lasso hookers.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
