In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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