I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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