Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He shit in the fireplace
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
