I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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