i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My penis needs a shock collar
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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