let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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