Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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