Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
