i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
