i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize