So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
