oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
