So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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