I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How's work?
Spinning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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