I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
