I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
