I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
