I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
