My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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