it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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