I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
