Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
