the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
