Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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