my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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