its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
