you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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