you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
