Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
