The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
