some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
