the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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