I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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