Christians are straight up FREAKS
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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