Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
