God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
