just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
