I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
