So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
