if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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